It Ends Tonight
by starryeyesxx
Summary: A RyanSummer oneshot. Moments before Seth & Summer's wedding, Ryan has to end his affair with Summer.


"Come in."

Ryan opened the door and Summer turned around to face him. She was truly stunning and Ryan felt a tear in his eye. He didn't know if it was because of how beautiful she looked, or if it was because of what he was about to say.

"Hey," She said. "Wow Chino, you clean up good."

Summer looked Ryan up and down in his suit.  
"You look beautiful." Ryan said as he walked towards her. He pulled her into a hug, and as her head rested against his chest and he was sure she could hear his heart beat it was pounding so hard.

Summer began to speak as he let her go. "I, uh….I have a kind of awkward question to ask you."

"Go ahead." Ryan asked, nervous about what it could be.

"My dad, his plane was delayed and he's trying to get another one but….he's not going to make it."

"Oh, are you going to postpone the wedding?" Ryan asked concerned.

"No, I called him and he doesn't want us to do that." Summer replied. "And I was thinking, that you could give me away. You know, if you wanted to."

Ryan felt overwhelmed and…broken. He could feel himself falling apart inside, but he managed to compose himself. "I would be honoured." He finally said.

"Cool." She said, then she looked down as the conversation became awkward.

After a short pause, Ryan knew he was going to have to tell her what he was thinking. "I actually wanted to talk to you about us."

"Oh. Ok." Summer said, looking at him briefly then to the floor. It was strange Ryan knew her in ways no one else did, she had done things with him & to him that she has no one else, but when it came to talking about them, about their 'relationship' she turned shy.

"I know we…..well you know what we do, but after today…we can't do this anymore."

Summer looked up at him, feeling her shyness drift away. "I know. I wasn't planning on after today."

"Oh, right." Ryan said, feeling embarrassed for making a big deal out of something, both of them would rather not talk about. "We just never talked about it, so I thought I should make it clear."

"Yeah, you did the right thing." Summer nodded.

"Ok." Ryan said, he had so many things to say but had run out of ways to say them. He gave Summer a respectful nod, then turned to the door, but when he got to it, he couldn't bring himself to leave.

He turned back round to Summer, who was sadly watching him. They both knew that in a way, this was goodbye.

"I came to say more than that." He admitted. "But, it's just that we don't talk….not the truth. Not once, we don't admit it. But today I have to. We have to be honest just once, Summer."

She looked at him, tears in her eyes like pieces of silver glinting in the light. She didn't look sad though, to Ryan she still looked amazing.

She didn't nod, but Ryan knew that she had agreed with him, it was because of those tears. She was letting a wall down, that she never could before, otherwise it would mean they are the guilty, lying, cheating people that they are.

"Four years. Four years, Summer. We've been…..having an affair? That doesn't feel like the right word, but that's what it is. And there's so many things that go unsaid. I guess that's because, we don't need to say them. I mean, you know I love you right?"

Summer nodded. "You know I love you too." Summer finally joined in the conversation.

"I do, I know you love Seth, you know I love Seth, we both know that he will never know the truth about us." Ryan paused, because as intense as it already was, it was about to get more so. "You know, that if I could be with you I would. If I could have you and keep Seth in my life the way he is now. I know that you would have both of us if you could. I know that we could really be together. You know that's what I want."

"I do." She said, the tears hadn't run down her cheeks yet, & Ryan was silently confused about why.

"I wish that I could stand here right now and say don't marry him, leave him and marry me, we both know I can't. But I just want you to know, that even though I'm not the on who's marrying you, I am going to be with you for the rest of our lives. If you need help or anything at all, I will be there. I'll probably still see you everyday, when you and Seth have kids, I'll love them just as much as you two will, and I will take care of them always. I will always do what I can to make your life better, if you and Seth are ever in financial trouble I will help you out. I'm not going to be your husband, but I will be there, and I will always love you."

Summer gasped trying to hold back tears and grabbed some tissues on the table next to her and wiped her eyes.

"Ok, I think that's all I have to say." Ryan said, his voice shaking a bit, but he was also relieved his goodbye was over.

"Ryan," Summer's voice was pleading. "I just want you to know, that things aren't how they are because I love Seth more than I love you." Summer's voice was beginning to crack.

"It's just that when you and I had started, I was already with him. And I can't give either of you up, and this is the only way I get to keep you both."

"It's the only way I get to keep you and Seth as well." Ryan responded, life was a bitch and as much as his heart was breaking he knew this was the best things could be. This way he kept his family, and he kept Summer. Not the way he wanted, but as much as he could have.

He instinctively walked over to her and hugged her, it was different this time. She clutched to him as if he was hanging from a cliff, & if she let go he would fall away from her forever.

"I love you so much, Ryan. More than I could ever explain." She breathed into his chest.

Ryan softly moved his hand up & touched her hair, his eyes were closed, but he knew her body inside out. Sometime he would notice when Seth would hug her with his eyes closed, and he would have to feel where he wanted to go, fingers fumbling and amateur.

"I love you too. And I'm sorry I waited until now to say it."

Summer pulled her head away to look Ryan in the eyes. "Despite all this, this heartbreak, I wouldn't change a thing." She paused, her eyes looking in his like she was searching for something. Searching for an answer to their impossible dilemma. "It's a good thing you didn't come here to ask me to leave Seth, because I would."

As bittersweet as those words were, Ryan felt satisfaction deep down. Because she loved him more then she loved Seth.

"Summer," Ryan's voice was lower then it previously had been. "After today, we can't talk about this ever again. After today, all that happened between us….didn't."

"I know."

"But, can't we just…." Ryan stopped himself, he knew that he had already crossed so many lines, and he was about to cross another.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing." Ryan said, pulling his body away from hers slightly, but his hands were now on either side of her face.

"Ryan, what?" Summer asked again.

"Can we just have one last kiss?"

Summer looked up at him silently, Ryan looked back at her and as he leaned in she pulled her head back.

"Ryan, my make-up. It's messed up enough already."

"Right, I get it. It was a bad idea." Ryan said, looking over Summer's head, he didn't know that she was still watching his face.

She suddenly grabbed the back of his head and pulled his face to hers. They kissed so differently, like they were trying to get all the different kind of kisses they had ever had into one. It started out wanting, like when they hadn't been able to get alone in weeks and were craving each other. Then it was playful, where his tongue tickled her, it used to make her giggle, but today she was too sad. Then it grew a lot slower, the kind of kiss they could savour because they knew they were going to be all alone for a couple of hours. Then is was tender, with barely any tongue, the way he used to gently kiss her after they made love. It slowed down a lot more, and finally he let her lips go. That was a kiss they had never had before. A goodbye kiss.

They just held each other silently for a moment, not wanting it to end.

"How's my make-up?" Summer broke the silence.

Ryan studied her face, and he had never seen a girl so broken hearted.

"You look beautiful, like you always do."

"Good enough to get married?"

"Yes, you are one hell of a bride Summer Roberts."

She smiled at him and they let each other go.

"Well that's good, I don't think we have time to fix it."

Ryan suddenly felt it completely appropriate that he was giving Summer away, because he was giving up the parts he had of her to Seth. He thought that they were so many things he would never be able to do with Summer again, the times the would make love, & not just physically, the little moments where she would touch him or they would have a look, knowing everything they shared and that nobody else knew that. When they'd stand near each other and Ryan could feel the warmth of her body radiate onto his, when she would tease him for…anything, when she'd help him take care of flapjacks, when their hands would touch and she'd blush. All those moments that Seth was their for, but he had no idea. Nonetheless, from now on those moments can be nothing more then they appear to be.

Ryan knew in the future, if he accidentally touched Summer's hand, there would be no electricity behind it, it would just be an accidental touch. Summer was no longer his lover, his best kept secret, his soul mate . She was his sister-in-law, or at best his close friend.

However, nothing could take those memories from either one of them. Ryan would always treasure when Summer was 'working late' asleep in his arms, no clothes, no make-up because that was when she looked most beautiful. Ryan would kiss her forehead, and hold her tight round her stomach, & he would tell her how much he loved her, because before today, that was not something he could say to her when she was awake.

When there was a knock at the door, Ryan realised that he and Summer had practically been in a little bubble, but now it had been burst.

"It's time." Summer said.

Ryan completely let go of her and once again walked to the door, his hand was on the doorknob but he didn't turn it.

"I know this isn't goodbye, but……." Ryan looked Summer in the eye, "Goodbye, Summer Roberts."

"Goodbye." She said back, and as soon as they left that room it truly would be.

Ryan opened the door and held it for Summer, she gave him a small smile as she walked past him, then he followed her out and closed the door behind him. 


End file.
